God has blessed me a lot these past few weeks. Out of nowhere, I received news of a scholarship I received for this upcoming school year. After a stressful week or so, I finally have housing for this upcoming semester settled. My grades have been pretty good, and I have an interview scheduled after my return. I'm also thankful that I've been able to meet up with a lot of other believers here and there. Praise the Lord!
At the same time, I've had quite a few struggles and unfortunate things happen to me. As already mentioned, my laptop charger stopped working, so I haven't been able to keep up with everyone as easily or upload my pictures. Last weekend I lost my Taiwanese bank card - which turned out to be more of an inconvenience than anything because today I was finally able to withdraw most of my money (the rest of my stipend comes in next Monday!). Also last weekend, I woke up several times to new bug bites all over my body. In the midst of all this, I struggled with sin and with my relationship with God, finding it hard to focus on Him during my devotional time and in prayer.
Something that has been blessing me a lot the past two weeks was a message I heard two Sundays ago about different kinds of Psalms. In the midst of beautiful poems of praise and worship that sung of God's greatness were also terribly honest psalms of sorrow and anguish. Psalms that cried out to God as if He weren't there, ones where the psalmist seemed to empty out all of his despair before the Lord.
Reflecting on these kinds of songs really made me think back on my relationship with God. Was I really being honest about how things were when I talked to my friends, my family - to God? It's funny to think that I've tried to hide things from a God who sees and knows all, who directs my path wherever I go, and who knew me before I was born. Although I might mention my sin here and there in my prayers, I was never really willing to admit how hard it was for me to fight it, how badly I wanted to change, how much I really needed His help.
I find it relieving to read about the worries and desperate pleas for mercy of people we admire in the Bible. Living this life is not all about reaching standards or looking good in front of others. Those are secondary. They come along as we struggle with worries just as David did when his own son was trying to kill him. They come along as we struggle and repent from sins just as David did after his affair with Bathsheba. This life is not light and easy all the time, but we have a compassionate redeemer in Christ, who went through more pain and suffering than most people would ever see in a lifetime, all for the sake of His love for us.
As He hears my pleas for mercy and grace, I pray that He will not only intercede for me, but also strengthen and uphold me, that he would mold me into more and more into His image every day, so that when that blessed day arrives, I can stand with the rest of the body of Christ as a beautiful gift before an even more magnificent God.
Until next time,
Moses
